In the forthcoming Netflix documentary, “Pamela, a Love Story,” the iconic “Baywatch” belle, Pamela Anderson, reveals a shocking and deeply personal secret from her past – the traumatic abuse she suffered at the hands of her babysitter as a child.

“It was like a living nightmare,” she says, describing the pain and trauma she sustained at the hands of an unnamed nanny. “She always told me not to tell my parents, threatened me with dire consequences if I did. I tried to protect my brother from her, but I didn’t know how to escape the abuse myself.”

But her years of suffering led to a desperate and shocking act – a failed attempt to kill her abuser. “I remember the day so clearly,” Anderson recounts, her voice trembling with emotion. “I had found a pen shaped like a candy cane, and I remember thinking that it was sharp enough to pierce her heart. I tried to stab her, but she was too strong and she overpowered me.”

However, when her attempt to spear the evildoer failed, a young Anderson made a grim wish that eerily preceded the woman’s sudden death. “I remember telling her that I wished she would die, and the next day she was killed in a car accident,” says the former Playboy pinup in the documentary. “I thought I’d killed her with my thoughts and I couldn’t tell anyone. I was sure that I had somehow caused her death, and I lived with that guilt and fear for the rest of my young life.”

Anderson also reveals another traumatic event from her childhood, the rape by a 25-year-old male neighbor at the age of 12. She describes the event and the feelings of guilt and shame that she kept hidden for years, due to her unstable home life.

The documentary also touches on the unauthorized distribution of a sex tape that she filmed with ex-husband and Motley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, during their 1995 honeymoon at Lake Mead, and the Hulu series “Pam & Tommy” which is a dramatization of the event. “It really gives me nightmares,” Anderson says of the series. “I have no desire to watch it, I’m not going to watch it. Never watched the tape, I’m not going to watch this.”

The documentary, set to release on January 31st, is a powerful and moving autobiography, charting the highs and lows of Anderson’s life, and the bravery it took for her to speak out about her past and her resilience to overcome it. Through her story, Anderson hopes to inspire other survivors of abuse to come forward and share their own stories, and to find the strength and support they need to heal.